His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize