2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
