You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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