party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
