So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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