I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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