Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
