I faked an abortion last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
