Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize