It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
