P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
