I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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