I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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