she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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