Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
