Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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