Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
tell me about the eggs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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