Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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