You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
