My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
