Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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