I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
