thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
