Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
