I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
