I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
