I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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