he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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