Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
