thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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