Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
