He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize