If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
