I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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