girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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