I just saw a hot homeless man
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
