At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How does one acquire holy water?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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