We won't sleep together?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize