please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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