Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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