Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
