dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
