I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize