drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
