shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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