Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
