just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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