Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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