Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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