i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
im on a boat
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