My hand turned me down
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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