My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
