Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
