He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
