i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
