We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
