Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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