He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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