do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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