dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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