So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
