Screwed.edu
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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