i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
