she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
