I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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