i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize