The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
