if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
