Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
