I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
