I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
