I will die if light touches me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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