i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
