So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
