well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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