Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
