my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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