ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
