Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Farmville is her only friend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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