I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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