youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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