So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
