I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
