I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
