Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
