I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
