so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
