Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
