so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
