Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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